I was answering a question and realized I should make a post out of it because it is truly how I feel sometimes.
The question was : What is your motivation?
This was my answer:
I don’t really know what I’m inspired by. It seems to come easy for a lot of people to be truly inspired and to work hard to continue because of that inspiration, whether it be to accomplish a goal or just get out of bed each day. I just do. I just do things. I have many things in my life I should be inspired about or for. My father is a hero, my mother is amazing. I have a kid on the way. But I still feel nothing, truly grasping at me, kicking me in my mental butt to really excel beyond what I am doing. This may sound like I’m depressed, but I promise you I am not. I have a beautiful wife, a kid on the way, plenty of money, a great family and good friends.
To my child who will one day read this, I’m sorry. I should feel more motivating. It’s not at all that I am not excited about you. I think the fear of me not being a good father and all the things that come with raising a child are overshadowing the good of the miracle that God has given to me. In my mind.
Edit: I just realized I also said all of that and didn’t even mention my Savior, Jesus Christ. He is my motivation for most things. But I am still a sinner and even as I wrote that post my mind was on myself and not on him. I think I’m answering my own question, and realizing that I need to start putting more focus on him and others in my life, rather than myself.
The problem is that I know that. I have known that for some time. Yet I still continue to have no feelings, or urges, or this “drive” people get to motivate them to do something over and over again.
These are the circular thoughts that race in my head on a constant basis and that I wanted to get put down somewhere.
If you stop by, leave a reply!
Holding on 